July 23, 2007

Almost as Bad

I saw an old friend online.

Me: hey! haven't seen u online for quite sometime now. how are you?

Her: fine, thank you. a little bit busy with some home business.

Me: so you're a work-at-home mom (WAHM) now. that's great! how's your little boy?

Her: walking now. he goes to a day care 3X a week! as much as I love him, I can't be with him 24/7. i get crazy! that's why i am working part time now.

Her: i know it sounds harsh but it's the truth. i want to do other things for my own sanity. does that make me a bad mummy?

Does it? Then I guess I'm as bad as my friend.

July 14, 2007

Being a SAHM

I have nothing against stay-at-home moms (SAHM) but when I was still pregnant being a SAHM never crossed my mind. I automatically assumed that I would go back to work and be a working mom. Well, circumstances prevented that from happening.

So yeah, I became a SAHM. At first I was okay with the idea. I love my baby and I wanted to be with him 24/7. If I wanted to cuddle him and steal kisses while he’s sleep I could do it. I was ecstatic! I thought where is the post partum depression that they are raving about? I was happy day in and day out. I was actually loving every second of being a new mommy. Motherhood seemed a piece of cake. Or so I thought.

Three months after I gave birth, I thought I was ready to take care of my baby alone. I had a helper with me during the first two and a half months of EJ's life. When I decided to pack the baby's bag and mine and went back to Maldives (my hubby works here), I thought everything would be easy. After all I had ample time to prepare and train myself.

But nothing has ever prepared me for our life in Maldives. I was in complete shock and mess to say the least. Having the baby all to myself was just too much. I was sleep-deprived and I guess it was the reason I was irritable most of the time. The glorious feeling I had during the first three months of being a mom was replaced by a negative feeling. I cried buckets for no reason at all. I had constant bouts of self pity. I was mad at my hubby for little things that never mattered before. And then I cried some more even when my baby was awake. The much dreaded depression has caught up with me.

I was at the lowest point of my life. I didn't have friends to talk to and I was dying for someone to listen to me. I talked to my hubby and he would say he undertood. But it just drove me mad even more. How can he valiantly say he understood me when I didn't even undertand what was happening to me? I wanted to go back to work but we couldn't find a suitable nanny. I didn't want to leave my baby to anybody I don't trust. I wanted to get away from being a mommy and be baby-free for one day but I couldn't leave him for even a second. I wanted to sleep for 24 hours straight but I wanted to be awake 24 hours just so I won't miss my baby's smiles. I desperately wanted to work again but I felt I was no good anymore. I wanted to buy something new for myself but never did because I didn't want to have to ask money from my hubby. It was crazy and I was getting crazier!

After two month’s struggle of being a mother (and a wife) I got a respite when we had a month’s vacation in Philippines. We had EJ baptised in Manila. We visited his lolo and lola in Surigao (my province) and Pangasinan (my hubby's province)

Now we’re back in Maldives. Fantasy fades and reality sets in again. But I guess the vacation cleared my head and gave me more than enough energy. I still have my moments of self pity (being jobless and all), I still feel depressed once in a while. But my baby is growing fast and his smiles, hugs and laughter erase any negative feeling I have. He is happy and healthy and I cannot ask for anything more.

Forget the paycheck, I am taking delight in learning and discovering new things with my baby. So for now, I'd be a SAHM.

Thanks to my hubby for being supportive and for being the best daddy to our little.

July 12, 2007

Daily routine with my 11 month old baby

To non-mommies, please read no further. It's just my baby's daily activity/feeding schedule.

To a new mom like me, I was at loss what to feed (when he started solid food) and when to feed my baby. I also didn't know how long my baby should nap or what should we do/play when he's awake. I searched answers in the internet but I didn't find anything conclusive. Thankfully, my baby and I developed a daily routine. And we've been following our routine since he was 7 months. He is 11-month old now, 

Here it is.

Morning Schedule:

~Wakes up at 7am
~Drinks his formula milk (6oz)
~Breakfast (bread with cheese/fruits/oatmeal/pancake)
~Playtime or watching DVDs. He likes Brainy baby, Barney, Dora
~Morning nap (1-2 hours)
~Drinks his formula milk (5oz)

Afternoon Schedule:

~Lunch (mashed veggies with a little rice/fruits/sometimes food from the bottle)
~Bathtime
~Afternoon nap (1-2 hours)
~Drinks his formula milk (5oz)
~Snack time (Heinz biscuits/fruits)
~Playtime or we walk to the park

Evening Schedule:

~Dinner (mashed veggies with rice and chicken/fruits/soup)
~Playtime/Bonding with Daddy
~Bathtime
~Drinks his formula Milk (60z)
~Sleeps at around 8pm, latest is 9pm

Well, this is not strictly enforced. I still let my baby guide me what he wants or when he wants something. I am just glad and lucky that most of the time he follows the nap time and the sleeping time at night. At least I still have some "me" time, meaning bloghopping and updating my blog.

July 10, 2007

Gracias

When I look at my baby, I am amazed how big he is already.

It doesn't seem too long ago when I was still busy dating (but not quite having fun) three guys simultaneously. It doesn't seem too long ago when I met the man who made me quiver with excitement and passion (naks!). It doesn't seem too long ago when I was worried that I won't be able to bear a child (unfounded fear but different story).




Now, I hold an 11 month old baby in my hand who is healthy and happy. It makes me wonder what I did right to have him. Seriously.


July 6, 2007

I'd rather

There are a million things I'd rather be/have than where/what I am now. But one thing's for sure. I'd still rather be a mom to my adorable EJ, anytime.

Otherwise, here are my wishful/angst ridden indulgences:

I'd rather be in Manila right now, drinking a frappe right after a movie.

I'd rather have an internet connection than people who call themselves "friends" yet only appear when they are in deep shit.

I'd rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable.

I'd rather have an apple pie than people who call themselves "friends" yet talks behind your back.

I'd rather be cooking than ironing clothes.

I'd rather have a warm coffee than people who call themselves "friends" yet only wants your money.

I'd rather be dancing than singing.

I'd rather be shopping than be with people who call themselves "friends" yet judges your every action negatively.

I'd rather be curling up in my bed reading a book than watching TV.

I'd rather eat ampalaya the whole year round than be with people who call themselves "friends" yet never stops with the one-upmanship game.

I'd rather be alone than have "friends" who are sucker...literally and figuratively.

Go figure.

July 1, 2007

Countdown begins

EJ is sick again. Sigh. He just had rashes last week and now he has colds. But this one's more troublesome than the other. At least with the rashes, he wasn't uncomfortable. But with this cold, he can't sleep all through the night. My poor baby (and me)! We are so tired. He is a little bit better today so hopefully I'll be able to catch some zzz's tonight or I might also get sick.

~~~

I hate this apartment that we're staying right now. Sure, it's a new building but it's sooo noisy. The building is not finished yet and all the drilling and hammering make us deaf by day. I especially hate it when EJ is sleeping and the noise wakes him up. What's more is that the surrounding buildings are also under construction. So imagine the noise of all the drilling and hammering combined?

~~~

The countdown starts today! We will be going home on July 25th. Yippee!! I couldn't wait to celebrate EJ's first birthday. We will be in Manila for 3 weeks only. But I plan to enjoy every single day that I will be there. Oppsss..that would be 2 nights less because we are going back early so we can stay in Singapore for 3 days/2 nights

~~~

Staying at home limits your world to your baby and hubby. That's what happens to me. I don't have any friends anymore, it seems =) Yeah, I still go out (to buy nappies, wet wipes..hehehe). Oi, I forgot that I staying at home made me addicted to internet shopping (window shopping..hehehe)

~~~

I am learning Spanish! My visual link spanish CD just came a week ago. It promises the buyer to be conversational in 30 days. Well, I guess it is effective. "Tengo que cocinar en una hora. Hasta luego amigas!" LOL.