SAHM: revisited

There are so many things I love about being a stay at home mom (SAHM). But lately, I've been consumed thinking I need to have an income of my own.

I've stopped working since I was two months pregnant with EJ. And now EJ is two years old. That means I have not been earning my keep for almost three years now. Since I started work, I have never stopped. So this has been the longest time ever that I have no income-generating job (because being a SAHM is a job itself, only no monetary rewards). I had a hard time adjusting during the first year. But on the second year, I eased into the routine and kind of accepted the circumstances.

But the urge to earn something for myself is currently at its peak :)

My mother is in Manila right now. She went there to have her final check up after her six months of chemotherapy. Yeah she has cancer. This is her third one. She survived the last two cancer and is now battling another big C. God bless her, she's such a brave lady. Anyway, I called her last week to ask for an update. I was positive she's free of the big C. I wasn't prepared to hear that the cancerous cells are still inside her body. She has been given two options: operation or another round of a more extensive chemotherapy. My mother said, she couldn't take another chemotherapy. It makes her so weak. So she's opted for an operation.

This is the time when I feel so sorry for myself. I want to help her but how can I? I have no money. Of course, hubby would give me the money if I ask him but that's another story. Although my mother didn't ask me for financial help, I still feel guilty. Blame it on being a Filipino and its sense of fillial obligation or just the love for my mother.

Honestly, I thought it would have been much easier for me if she asked for help. But the fact that she didn't, it made me more sad and feel pity for myself. I actually envy my hubby. He can easily send money to his family whenever they ask him. Technically it's his money after all.

I am not going to be a martyr and say that I would like to support my parents at their old age, not that they would need support either. But how nice would it feel if once in a while, I can give something to make them smile?

It might be the PMS making me all sentimental. But at least I know what I want now.

I have been a SAHM for the past two years. My baby is not even a baby anymore. He is becoming a young man and sooner or later he won't be dependent on me anymore. I think I have to move forward too and think for myself. I need to be able to buy something for myself without feeling a tinge of guilt.

After all a happy and satisfied woman makes a better mother.