We will never be ready

How prepared are we in life? Are we ever prepared for anything?

Death, for example.

My mother had survived two cancers. The first one was an ovary cancer 21 years ago. After an operation, cobalt and radiotherapy she was told by the doctors that she was cancer-free. We were elated.

But after 10 years or so, we were surprised to find out she had another cancer. This time a colon cancer. She had an operation, an extensive 6-month chemotherapy and a monthly check-up for a year. She survived it. But the doctors warned us my mother wouldn't live long. Probably 5-7 years. We took it.

Nine years after (last year), she complained that her cough wouldn't go away. We took her to the doctors in Manila again and found out she had a lung cancer. At this point we were all heartbroken. We knew in our hearts that she can only take in so much pain.

But we still urged her to go on another extensive 6-month chemotherapy. After the chemotherapy, the doctors still advised her to go under the knife. She refused. We had to beg her to go on another operation. At last minute, she agreed.

After the operation, she again went on another 6-month chemotherapy. It was hard on her. But she took it all. This was early this year. We were already planning their 40th wedding anniversary. Everybody was excited!

The chemotherapy, however, didn't do much to kill the cancerous cells in her body. The doctors said it was terminal. But to keep the hopes up they advised my mother to go on cobalt treatment.

The family then decided that my mother should just go home and rest from further treatments. She was already frail. We knew what was coming. But we never lost hope.

My brothers sent her some herbal medicines hoping and praying it would do the job. And my mother drank it even if she didn't like the taste. She too knew that her time was limited. She just wanted to be present during her 40th wedding anniversary this December.

We have accepted the fact that anytime she would be gone. We have prepared ourselves. But were we ready?

No. I was not ready.

When my brother called to tell me the sad news, I broke down. I am glad and thankful that I have a loving and supportive husband who was by my side right away.

I was not ready for my mother's death, however prepared I was. And that goes for anything in life including travel emergency.

We may be prepared but we will never be totally ready.